I have not tried this myself so try this at your own risk. I suggest testing it on someone who is much smaller than you.
Wired magazine explains how to capture the armrest on an airplane with 3 easy steps.
3 Steps to Armrest Checkmate:
- Midway through takeoff, recline your seat 2 inches.
- Slip your elbow into the gap between your neighbor’s seat back and your own.
- Slowly pivot your arm forward till it dominates the disputed territory.
If you need pictures, then visit the source.
Good luck!
Alright – the humor is somewhat unoriginal (think Airplane, the Movie), but what the hell.
Sometimes you just need to laugh.
INT. AIRPORT SECURITY AREA – MORNING
Typical Monday morning at the nation’s busiest airport (Ohare). People, mostly business travelers, are everywhere waiting…and waiting…and waiting…to get through security screening.
INT. SECURITY SCREENING AREA – CONTINUOUS
Scott (shaved head, 30) is placing various items into the plastic bins, for screening. He drops his sandwich bag of specially wrapped toiletries into a bin, rolling down the conveyer belt. A TSA employee takes notice of the sandwich bag.
TSA EMPLOYEE #1
What the hell is this??
The TSA employee grabs the plastic bag and holds it up. Another TSA employee takes notice and comes over.
SCOTT
Is there a problem?
The second TSA employee grabs the bag and looks closely at the contents through the clear plastic.
TSA EMPLOYEE #2
No, we’re just yelling for no reason what-so-ever. Of course there’s a problem. Your toothpaste is four point six ounces and the limit is three ounces!
SCOTT
Okay…fine. Get rid of it.
TSA EMPLOYEE #2 (ignoring Scott, calling out to another TSA employee)
Hey, check this out. This guy was trying to sneak through security with an illegal-sized tube of toothpaste.
TSA Employee #3, who should be screening the the luggage comes over.
TSA EMPLOYEE #3 (to Scott)
You can’t have liquids in containers that are over three ounces. Did you know that was illegal???
People waiting behind Scott show their impatience.
SCOTT Okay, can you just throw it out, so I can get to my flight?
TSA EMPLOYEE #2
Absolutely not. You need to leave the line and throw the toothpaste out yourself.
SCOTT
I’m not going to leave the line. You throw it out.
TSA EMPLOYEE #3
Hold on, buddy. That’s the rules – we don’t know what could be in that toothpaste tube.
Another TSA employee notices the commotion and comes over.
TSA EMPLOYEE #4
What’s the problem here?
TSA EMPLOYEE #1
This guy was trying to sneak a container of liquids through security that was over three ounces.
SCOTT
I wasn’t trying to sneak anything through security. It was a mistake.
TSA EMPLOYEE #4
Okay, so throw it out and get this line moving.
TSA EMPLOYEE #2
We can’t do that. We don’t know what’s in the container!
TSA EMPLOYEE #1
Exactly! He needs to leave the line and throw it out himself.
SCOTT
It’s GOD DAMN TOOTHPASTE!
A 5th TSA employee, apparently the most senior of these TSA robots, overhears Scott’s agitation and walks over.
SENIOR TSA EMPLOYEE
Why isn’t the line moving? What’s the problem?
TSA Employee #1
This guy, he has toothpaste…it’s too big…
The first four TSA employees give each other nervous glances. The senior TSA looks annoyed.
TSA EMPLOYEE #4 (whispers)
Just throw it out!
The first TSA employee pulls the toothpaste out of the bag and tosses it into a nearby garbage can. The senior TSA employee rolls his eyes and leaves.
TSA EMPLOYEE #1
You’re free to go. Please be more careful with what liquid container sizes you pack. Have a marvelous Monday.
Scott, face red, grabs his bag and runs through security.
Like most business travelers, I rarely pay attention to the in-flight announcement. Usually, the hum of the engine is like a lullaby – yes, that is sad – and I’m snoozing before take-off.
I can’t say that I’ve memorized every word of the in-flight pre-takeoff annoucement, but I’m confident that I would know what to do if I ever survived a “water landing”. With that said, I’ve never been very keen on my chances.
But what if the in-flight announcement was not just trying to give you a false sense of security? What would the flight attendant really say? Here’s one writer’s take, courtesy of the Economist. If you’d rather not read the entire article, here are a few choice highlights.
On general safety:
At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.
On life jackets:
Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.
On mobile phones:
Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft’s navigation systems. At least, that’s what you’ve always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn’t sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.
Gotta love it.